I Long To Know This World

I have an addiction.  A terrible addiction.  My addiction is this:  I am addicted to convincing myself that I don’t need to do ANYTHING to be okay and get the things I need.  I realized this as I failed a Strategic Managment test this morning.  This class is supposed to be the Capstone of all the learning I’ve been doing in attempting to aquire my Bachelor’s degree in Music Business.

Why didn’t I see this coming?  Why have I been so irresponsible?  Im such an idiot.

My life this past month or so has been grueling, despite the poor grades and failure in school.  If I was actually working and trying towards success as a student, it would be even more grueling.  But that gets people places.  We suffer for the things we believe in.  I don’t necessarily want to be in Strategic Management, but I do believe in making the grade and graduating college.  Now I have to face the facts and suffer for the things I believe in.

I hate being unsuccessful.
I hate recieving poor grades when I know I can get great ones.
I hate knowing that I’m not living up to something God has instilled in me that I’m not touching.

Here it comes.  The realization that my parents have been waiting to see since the second I was born.  They were right.